Stitches
by Apple-RingoSauce
Summary: Rey forces the Akatsuki to go shopping. What will happen? Only one can find out. This story is rated R for Ruu. Oh, and also EVERYONE is waaaaay out of character, so if you hate this type of thing, turn away now. Enjoy  BlackRoseDoll
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so my friend Rey (aka Ruu) and I are doing a story trade. She's doing one of my favorite anime character Suigetsu and I, so in return I am doing a humorous story of her and Kakuzu. Here's a short summary: Rey gets Meghannosyndrome (also known as Meghan Hyper Disease), and forces the Akatsuki to go shopping. What happens when she is paired with Kakuzu, who hates spending money, while she loves to? Only one can find out. This story is rated R for Ruu. Oh, and also EVERYONE is waaaaay out of character, so if you hate this type of thing, turn away now. Enjoy~ BlackRoseDoll

Eventually, anyone who was been Meghan's partner would go down with Meghannosyndrome (meaning have gone insane like her). Poor Rey had only been partners with Meghan for at least a few weeks, and the despised syndrome attacked her. And this one was a shopping urge.

"Oh, I'm so happy, its money spending day! I'll go shopping with Kakuzu, and Zetsu is… uh… a fairy " Rey chanted, skipping circles around Meghan, whom was certainly not appeased with Rey have gone insane, probably because Meghan herself lost her hyperness.

"HIDAN, COME HERE!" Rey shouted, skidding to a stop.

Within seconds, the white-haired man appeared. "What do you want?" he scowled.

"Get Kakuzu, it's time to go shopping!" Rey beamed.

Hidan stared at the energetic raven-haired girl in disbelief. "How do we know who our shop bud is anyways?"

Rey looked skeptical for a moment. "Well, let's go ask Leader."

Later, Pein had gathered up all the members in a circle, preparing to announce the shop buds.

"Okay, I'm sure you all know why we're going shopping today. I'll be choosing your partners, and if you don't like them, deal with it. Anyways, you will be grouped in two, so here are the partners: Kisame and Itachi, Tobi and Deidara, Sasori and Sasuke, Hidan and Zetsu, Konan and I, Meghan and Suigetsu, and finally we have Kakuzu and Rey."

"Yes! I knew it!" Rey squealed, as she started flailing her arms and accidentally hitting Kakuzu square in the eye.

"Ouch! Mind your manners!" he snapped.

Rey ignored him. Instead, she went back to being… insane. "Yay for Kakuzu spending money!"

"Are you insane? No way in hell am _I_ spending money!" Kakuzu protested.

"I'm the lady, and you're the man. You have to treat me," Rey smirked.

"Oh joy, we're going shopping," Meghan said flatly.

On the bus, Rey was bounding restlessly in her seat, nagging Kakuzu about which stores they were going to.

"And then the food store, then the pet shop, and the shoe shop… Oh! And the clothing shops! And the fish store—"

"HEY!" Kisame shouted, feeling offended.

"Then the electronic shop, then the S&M shop!"

Rey smiled at her partner, motioning her hand that he'd repeat the whole list.

"The CD shop, the video store, the makeup shop, the food store, the pet store, the shoe store, the clothing store, the fish store, the electronic store and the— Wait, WHAT?"

Rey grinned evily at him. "And you're buying everything."


	2. Chapter Two: The Fuzzy Peach

"That's not fair! You've stolen enough of my money as it is!" Kakuzu whined.

"For good causes! Meghan, make him spend his mola!" Rey demanded.

Meghan nodded, still staring into space.

"Oh! The bus stopped!" Rey exclaimed, hopping off the bus.

In the mall…

"Ok! So I've thought up some rules, and all of you must oblige to them!" Pein announced, handing out neatly folded scrolls.

RULE 1: NO KILLING!

RULE 2: NO EATING PEOPLE!

RULE 3: NO STEALING!

RULE 4: NO JUTSU!

RULE 5: NO FIGHTING!

RULE 6: NO RAPING!

RULE 7: NO PROSTITUTION!

RULE 9: THERE IS NO RULE 8!

RULE 11: NOR IS THERE RULE 10!

RULE 12: THERE IS A RULE 12!

RULE 13: RESPECT RULES!

RULE 14: MEET AT CAFÉ IN FOUR HOURS!

RULE 15: PEIN IS KICK-ASS!

RULE 16: RE-READ RULES!

RULE 17: RE-READ RULES AGAIN!

RULE 18: RE-READ RULES AGAIN!

RULE 19: RE-READ AGAIN!

RULE 20: RE-READ RULES ONCE MORE!

RULE 21: HAVE FUN!

Kakuzu shared expressions with Meghan, Hidan, Zetsu, Tobi, Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Konan, and Rey, whom all looked dumfounded.

"Those are a lot of rules…" Hidan mused.

"Yes, and you are expected to follow all of them! That includes you too, Zetsu!" Pein scoffed.

Rey only read the rules once, before crumbling it up and tossing it to Kakuzu.

He scowled at her; obviously not pleased with the situation she was putting him in.

"You're a man, you'll live!" she sneered.

She was scrutinizing him, and he knew it, but he decided not to instigate anything that would result in a punishment.

Pein signaled the group it was time to shop, so without hesitation they scurried away.

"Kakuzu! Kakuzu! Let's go to the food store!" Rey pleaded, dragging him to the small K-Mart.

He sighed and reluctantly followed her.

"Okay, I'll wait here. You go find a few things you want to eat," Kakuzu said casually.

She frowned at him, but ran down the aisles anyways. When she found the candy aisle, she expected to find many packages of her favorite snack; fuzzy peaches. But there was only one left. She sprinted to the snack bag, not knowing Tobi was about a meter from grabbing it. She ran straight in to him, both sent flying backwards.

"Ouch…" Tobi whined.

"Oh, Tobi! Fancy seeing you here! So, what're you looking for?" Rey asked, her eyes still focused on the candy.

"The Fuzzy Peaches," he replied.

"Strange. So am I, but there seems to be only one left so… GIMME THOSE FUZZY PEACHES!"

"NO!"

Meanwhile, Kakuzu was observing the two bickering… over Fuzzy Peaches. With a groan of agony, he started his way towards them.

"I swear to god, if you don't give me those Fuzzy Peaches, I'll-"  
"Rey, control yourself," Kakuzu warned, glaring at her.

Rey stopped dead in her tracks, loosening her grip on the candy bag.

"S-Sorry Kakuzu-san, I-"

"Let's go."

"Okay, you know you spent seventy-five percent of our time fighting over those stupid candies! Now we only have time to go to one more!" Kakuzu scolded her, waving his arms as he did so.

"Well, I know where we're going, and you have no say in it!"


	3. Chapter Three: Reymen

Me: Okay, so. Kakuzu, do the honors.

Kakuzu: How much will you pay me?

Me: Nothing. Just do it before I twist the story and you'll be so embarrassed that you won't come out of your room for a millennium.

Kakuzu: Fine. You'll pay for this. Get it? Pay for this? Haha!

Me: -.-' not funny at all… Just do it. I'm getting out the paper and beginning the le-

Kakuzu: Urgh!

Kakuzu: You do not own me, or anybody in the show. If you did, Naruto would die and the Akatsuki would live. Rated T for Hidan's fucking mouth.

Me: Thanks you!

**Chapter Three**

"And where would that be?" Kakuzu asked, knowing the answer was obvious.

"The S&M shop, dumbass!" Rey practically yelled, the surrounding people giving her a weird look.

"Let's just go already," Kakuzu stormed.

The S&M shop was very disturbing to Kakuzu. Rey on the other hand didn't seem to mind. Is this what she always does in her spare time? He pondered the though for a moment, but was quickly interrupted.

"Hey! Kuzu-koi! Let's get a gag!" Rey smirked, wrapping it around his head.

Soon she had buried him in… hell, he didn't even know what to call it.

"Hey, HEEDUN!"

Kakuzu glanced to the left, catching a glimpse of his white-haired partner.

"It's HIDAN to you, you fucking dumbshit!" he retorted, insulted.

"Whatever… anyways why are you here?" she asked.

"It was Zetsu's idea," he replied bluntly.

"Speaking of which, what other stores did you and your girlfriend go to, you pedophile?" Hidan mused.

"She is **not **my girlfriend! She's just…"

"Your fuckbuddy?"

"NO! She's my-"

"Your f-"

"Hidan, shut up! She's a close… friend."

"Baww… Kuzu has a crush " Hidan snickered.

"Shut your hole!" Kakuzu snapped back.

Kakuzu was glad he had a white mask thing to hide his face, because it was burning red at that moment.

"Oi, Kuzu-Koi, I've got everything we need. Now let's go," Rey shouted from across the room. With another groan of agony, Kakuzu reluctantly paid for the items and the two headed off.

By the time the two had gathered at the food court as planned, they were originally about twenty minutes late, but so were the others.

"I'm hungry! Kakuzu, do something!" Rey whined, jabbing Kakuzu with a stick.

"You can wait." He said angrily

"No, I can't!" she replied dramatically, managing to fake a few tears.

"Fine, fine… I'll buy you ramen, only if you promise to stop bugging me!" Kakuzu warned, taking out some yen, and then headed off to the food court with the rather jumpy girl.

"Two bowls of ramen." Kakuzu said, obviously bored.

The cashier smiled and told the amount of yen that the ramen would cost, and within five minutes Rey was slurping madly.

"Shey Kakushzu tshodshay wash a greasht day don'sh you agreech?" Rey said while her mouth was full.

"Come again?" Kakuzu asked.

Rey then spat her ramen all over Kakuzu's face, and when she was done, he blinked a few times before she bursted in to laughter.

"Eh heh, sorry… Kind of. So I said today was a great day."

"Sure, I guess. If you call getting dragged around by some crazy chick, getting forced to buy stripper stuff and getting food spat on your face is your idea of fun, well then sure."

Rey smiled and laughed again. Hidan came to make another one of his rude remarks.

"The fuck did you do now, you-"

"Hidan, shut up."

Then the group left back to the lair, and Rey finally calmed down. When she say Kakuzu still had noodles all over his face, she wondered what happened. Turns out she forgot everything that happened that day, and was even more confused at the S&M bag. When she asked Kakuzu what they did that day, he just laughed. It was the first time she heard him laugh.

The end.

How'd you like it? Review and Read, or I'll eat you.


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